Lion Hearted Girl

I'm drowning in a never-ending stream of work, averaging about 2 hours of sleep a day (3.5 hours if you count the zzz on public transport), avoiding wj like the plague in school and feeling downtrodden every time i have to do so.

Erp.


But in other news, MUSE IS NEXT WED. FYMUSE.

Missing

I saw the queen
Swam out below her star on sea beneath
Though I lifted up my hands to her
She never lifted me

Oh something's missing in me
I felt it deep within me
As lovers left me to bleed alone

Found something sweet
On the island with the daughters of eve
But through thick and thin they've gone away and only left their grief

Oh, something's missing in me
I felt it deep within me
As lovers left me to bleed alone

Something's missing in me
I felt it deep within me
As lovers left me to bleed alone

Something's missing in me
Something's missing in me

Down here love wasn't meant to be
It wasn't meant to be for me
All is vanity underneath the sun
All is vanity

Oh, something's missing in me
I felt it deep within me
As lovers left me to bleed alone

Something's missing in me
I felt it deep within me
As lovers left me to bleed alone

Something's missing in me
Something's missing in me
Something's missing in me
Something's missing in me

Wah lau. Cannot tell you how awkward it is to be in the same school (and the btc grounds are so small!!) as him. When i encounter him like dunno whether to say hi or not.

And srsly. I can tell he's trying damn hard to keep conversation lighthearted and rahrahbanana like last time. NOT WORKING I TELL YOU. DAMN CMI. STILL GOT LIKE 3.5 YEARS TO GO LEH. OH AND MUSE + PARAMORE CONCERT. GG LARH.

I miss him. Bitchhhhhhh.

Creatures Of The Abstract

Happiness is an overrated concept.


Now, before you raise a derogatory eyebrow at me, hear me out. I should state for the record that im neither "depressed" nor "emo" nor "moody". And, no it's not the time of the month either.

A friend recently asked how things were going in my life and i answered that they were neutral. A very simple answer because i was neithet upset nor particularly overjoyed about anything. My friend responded as if neutral was not a good thing. That really surprised me because neutral would seem to me like a very contented and satisfactory place to be.

Another friend pointed out that my previous blog posts were not cheery and bright. But they weren't dark and gloomy either. It was meant to just be an objective summary of the ups and downs in life.

This led me to question whether people were holding themselves (and others around them) at this all-too-impossible standard. Does it mean that any single mood below "happy" in the feelings scale is a negative and should not be acceptable?

A day is made up of 24hours. That's 1440 minutes. How many minutes out of that 1440 must be considered happy for you to classify the day as a great day? How many delightful events must occur for it to be a good day? Happiness is merely a word; it is an unidentifiable and unquatifiable concept. It simply cannot be dissected and analysed like that.

I don't fancy classifying my days or my moods like that. I can accept that my days are made up of both awesome and not-so-awesome little moments. I find it difficult to sum them up and come up with a net figure to tell you if my life now is happy or sad; great or shit. Wouldn't it be more gratifying to simply live in the moment and enjoy it for it what it's worth.

So i say, don't go chasing for this elusive little feeling. Don't set some impossible standard for yourself with the expectation that happiness is an ideal that you should have at the end of the day. Don't push yourself to have to achieve happiness day after day, moment after moment. If happiness does come knocking then relish it. If it doesn't, it will. After all, it's the moments of darkness that will make the moments of light taste ever so sweet.

Only Meant Well

Things to do:

1. Print readings.
2. Read readings.
3. Buy files to keep readings.
4. Use existing files to keep mountain of readings from past semester.
5. Do mum's organisational behaviour project.
6. Choose suit for moots. (and not need to pay yay!)

=/

Welcome to the 18-week crunch, part 2 of 8. Good times!

Eagerly Awaiting

So.

I expect people have already dusted out the resolutions from 2009 and put forth new ones for the coming year. I've been putting off saying some things about the year, both past and present. Frankly because 2009 didn't feel like a year.

It felt like two.

LIMBO. Beautiful word really. The first half of 2009 was defined exactly by this word. L-I-M-B-O. I was stuck in a rut; trapped in the place i didn't like and feeling like i was in the middle of two lives. I was neither moving forward (with my admission into nuslaw) nor moving backward (leaving nus to start afresh in australia). The whole "wait and see" attitude didn't suit me at all. So thankfully there was theatre to save the day. The production gave me something to look forward to. I would go to sch to skive off in class and then come alive in the rehearsal studio.

And then when that was over and done with, there was finally some progress. Moving into a new school, where i was in the totally new environment to develop myself. There was no place to skive off here and school work kept me occupied most of the time. Well, schoolwork and a boy. Now this point of time would have been a very appropriate start of a new year. Everything was new and fresh and exciting and did i mention new?! But then the boy went away and my academic acheivements weren't what i envisioned it to be. The euphoria of the fresh start wore off and i've had to do some major reflection.

So no. 2010 doesnt feel like a new year. It feels like the continuation of a new season from a cliffhanger finale; it's not REALLY new coz the characters are all the same and the situations have already been laid out in full. It's more like tying up the loose ends and finding some answers for the future.

No resolutions or anything coz im not big on the resolution mechanism. Whatever i promise in my resolution i'll break. But i already know some of the answers im looking for and i just need to put them into action. I dont really need a fancy declaration to let the world know what i plan to do. Just, maybe some encouragement would be nice.

Cheers. And i hope 2010 is as awesome as you make it to be.

P.S. You know what else i need for the new year? A well-made, BEAUTIFUL pair of shoes. :DDDD